So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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