Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
