After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
