The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
