woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
