Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
