When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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