I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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