i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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