I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You're like the curious george of whores
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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