Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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