U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
