I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize