my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
