I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
