Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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