check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
