i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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