when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
