If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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