Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
