he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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