if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
