addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
