it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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