it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
