Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
