i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
