Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
