I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
