after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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