I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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