update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
As shirtless as possible
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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