naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
