woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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