i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
