This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
