Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
