youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
