Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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