like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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