My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
