Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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