He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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