I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no you cant smoke seaweed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
