I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
