No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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