don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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