Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
