What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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