you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
