dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
