I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize