worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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