I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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