Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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