I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
