Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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