I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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