Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
