And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
