He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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