Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
