And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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