Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
