Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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