know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
