the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
