He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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