Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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