who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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