I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
