My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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