How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
