What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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