um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Congratulations! We have a period
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
