I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
