Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
