God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
