Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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