I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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