Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
