is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
