Girls should come with a carfax report
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
