I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
